I’ve had enough of fart smelling clouds.

The Jigoku (Hells) of Beppu are seven boilingly hot volcanic onsens. The kind you don’t hop in unless you want to die.

The day started out with breakfast at my hotel, and the continuing confusion on why the japanese think chicken meatballs, fried chicken, and curry sauce are breakfast foods.

Then I went to catch my bus, wasn’t sure I had enough on my Suica (travel card), and tried to recharge it only to have it rejected. Then I realised I had bought a bus pass yesterday and didn’t have to pay for the bus anymore.

I will start with the route I followed. Starting from the Umi Jigoku. From there, you can see a large hill overlooking Beppu that at a certain time of year gets burnt in a dramatic display.

Umi Jigoku (Sea Hell)

The Umi jigoku is the postcard hell. The one all the tourists go to. Big parking lot, big sounvenir shop, the works. I bought some cute demon plushies for 610yen (important because it was 660yen at the station and 605yen at a stop further along).

The Hell itself was in good condition today, bright blue with blossoms filling the scenery with palest of pink. There is a non hell pond next to it that’s an unsual shade of green. The steam was rising mostly vertically from the umi jigoku, so you weren’t constantly getting face fulls of sulphur stink. There are several small shrines and monuments around the surrounds, and cause I got their fairly early, I missed most of the tourists.

There is also a small red pond just at the edges of the umi jigoku property, but it doesn’t have a name as far as I am aware.

Oniishibozu Jigoku (Shaven Head Monk Hell)

This Hell is right next door to the Umi Jigoku. Smaller and less to see, but the ponds are made of mud that bubbles with little round bubbles, hence the name. It was oddly cute.

Kamado Jigoku (Cooking Pot Hell)

Just a little walk downhill, and you come to this hell. With large statues of Oni (Demons) and cooking pots. They also have onsen water you can drink and onsen steam to cleanse the skin and throat if you breathe it in. The drinking water is at 80 degrees, and it’s oddly salty. The skin cleanse I wouldn’t recommend. It’s stinky sulphur vapour, and I nearly suffocated breathing it in. Strong stuff.

This hell has a staff member doing a display where he shows how the hells create steam when interacting with a lit mozzie coil and a hairdryer.

Oniyama Jigoku (Devil Mountain Hell)

This hell had decided to farm crocodiles as its main attraction. Seeing it after all the places in Australia, I couldn’t help but think it was a little inhumane. They have small cages, and some pens have like 15 crocs. There was one really chonky boy just chilling in one, getting hosed down with what I assume was not boiling hell water.

Shiraike Jigoku (White Pond Hell)

Further downhill again is the Shiraike Jigoku. It apparently changes colour depending on the time of year. It was a pale green-white today. This Hell’s extra attraction is its aquarium filled with big fish. Arapaima and Piranha and other big fish. I can’t say it’s a nice attraction, big fish in plain unadorned tanks that seem too small.

This hell is the last in this area, but before catching the bus to the next area, I went to have lunch.

Jigoku Mushi (Hell Steamed Food Resturant)

This restaurant is famous for its gimick. Steam your food yourself in hells steam.

I can’t say I have fond memories of this in retrospect. The ordering system is confusing. Get a number, go to the vending machine, and pick your options (don’t forget to hire a steam basket as well). Wait for your number to be called. Get your food and take it out to the steaming area. It says self-service, but its hot and dangerous, so they have to help you.

Wait 15 minutes for your food to steam, then retrieve it (with help again). Then hurrah, it’s ready to eat. I had corn, eggs, shumai (wontons), and dumplings.

The corn was soggy, (well everything had a soggyness to it). The wontons were fine, but falling apart, the dumplings did not have a nice filling, and the eggs were fine (they were boiled eggs after all) they had an interesting orange coloured yolk.

I bought one of their steamed puddings, and the custard was fine, but the sauce was terrible, really yuck. I bought a vending machine drink, and just like it says, it certainly tasted like 34 lemons.

Chinoike Jigoku (Blood Pond Hell)

At this point, I wasn’t feeling so good. I was burping a lot from the lemon drink, and every burp tasted like sulphur (its hours later now and every burp still tastes like fart). I caught the bus to the next area anyway. I had bought a pass for all seven hells, and I was going to see them all and collect the stamps that were at each hell.

This hell is red like blood, with another large gift shop, where I bought my mother a Kokeshi and experimented with video modes on my phone.

This hell leant heavily into the Oni theme, with lots of cute Oni signs and vending machines.

Tastumaki Jigoku (Tornado Hell)

Next to the Chinoike jigoku is this hell. Its sole and only attraction is that its hell is a geyser. It erupts periodically shooting out water at 105 degrees. If it didn’t have the stone wall around, it would shoot 30m up into the air.

The sulphur based food and drink was really getting to me at this point, and all I wanted was to go back and relax in a fart free area. (Beppu station doesn’t stink).

I took a bus back to the main area and then caught the first bus back to Beppu station. Unbeknownst to me, this was a local bus, so I had a tour of the long way back to the station. But that was fine since I  was happy to just chill sitting down on the bus.

Found these dresses at the station, very impressive, and got a flash of nostalgia seeing my old workplace (not the exact place though.)

Back at the hotel, I did my laundry (No problems this time)(addendum-I’ve lost a sock) and relaxed.